I can’t remember when I wrote my last post. And of course it isn’t relevant at all is it? I mean to say that in the contemplative life, time sometimes seems to take on some other kind of character.
Or at least I should say that one’s perception of the passage of time shifts; nothing unusal there I hear you say, and of course you’re right. Just thinking out loud I suppose.
For me, having a right perception of time is an important aspect of my Sadhana, my practice: yes, it’s true: time is seen to fly, or it is frustratingly felt to drag. But my aspiration is to see time as simply a human construction that we use to limit, structure, bind, define, and place all kinds of restrictions on our lives.
Which for me, simply means that there is only presence or Presence; only the ongoing continous moment (what we often call The Now). Easier said than done mind!
Swami Ramdas (known as Papa to his followers)
In any case, here I am, just where God would have me be. Feeling strongly to reach out to you, I remember the poem (it’s not really about time in the sense we’re discussing it so far) that emerged the other day after reading a quote from Swami Ramdas that seemed to be an answer to some thoughts I’d been having.
I’m grateul for this, all of this. And for you too, the reader of these musings offered with humility and thanks.
Peace and love from me to you.
GOD IS MY ALL
Thinking thoughts as if battered by demons. Memories arising of my own evil deeds, selfish and cruel. Right away I turn to God: God is my all; Hare Krishna
Forego repentance, relinquish regrets; you are filled with God, the supreme essence of life. God is my all; Hare Krishna.
Through Papa Ramdas I hear the Universe speak: Forgiveness is from God; and it has been granted. God is my all; Hare Krishna.
Greetings and Welcome after what feels like a gap of forever since my last post.
Two weeks today since I moved into a rented house way out here Outback in the mining town of Broken Hill, on the traditional lands of the Wilyakali people whose ongoing presence on this country I acknowledge and give thanks for.
And now, it is the location of my hermitage, my safe haven and refuge. But, no, therein lies the conundrum: I love it here; I know I’ve come to the right place to which I’ve been called. But after two weeks, I’m still not feeling grounded; I’m not really here yet.
Culture shock, fatigue, new environment, excitement; call it what you will; something has me not yet settled and in place. Yesterday a small poem came to me that I think expresses exactly the problem.
And now I’m sharing it with you as a way of explaining why the gap, why the block.
Peace and love from me to you.
The call to the desert has been answered. And now, I am here. No, to tell the truth, I’m not actually. Here I mean. So, where am I?
Not there, back there where I came from. Not even sure if ‘there’ really exists, if you know what I mean.
Mind you, when I said ‘here now” I meant it’s been a short now: Now that I’m here. Just. A short stretch – so far.
Here; there; now; so far; it’s all too much. And you know what? It’s all in my head. In my mind I mean.
A wise teacher once taught: First thought, best thought. But for here and now? As in being here now? No thought, more like, is best thought.
Sitting down just now at the keyboard (actually to be honest it was 30 minutes ago) I thought I had an idea for a blog post. But, sure enough, the moment I opened a new document, fingers poised on the keys, it went. As in vanished from my mind, disappeared. And what remnant that was left seemed to be taunting me with ‘Why on Earth did you ever think this was a good idea?’
So, what do you think this hermit pilgrim, living the serene monkish life who goes on and on about presence did? Relaxed my poised fingers, closed my eyes, and whispered my mantra as I waited for inspiration to revisit?
Hardly. What I actually did was begin having unhappy thoughts, frustration boiling up: I had really been looking forward to writing that post, and now it’s gone. And all that’s left is this annoying frustration and growing desperation to do something.
Nevertheless, I did in the end manage to calm myself at least a little. I just stopped. Took my hands off the keyboard and just sat. Just sitting is a go to strategy for me as you know.
Thoughts emerged, wandered around my mind, crashed together, one pushing another out of the way.
‘Just typical,’ one of those thoughts ran. ‘I try to do something to make me happy and nothing happens except I make myself miserable’. Next thought: don’t I have a quote somewhere about this? Sure enough, there it was, at the other end of a search of my quote files (I’ve got lots!).
You do not become happy by pursuing happiness. You become happy by living a life that means something.
Then a quick online search revealed literally dozens of articles, books, similar quotes, podcasts, on and on, telling me the exact same thing. I didn’t know where to start, so I just closed the searches after scanning a few headlines, then sat thinking for a bit on my own, at the keyboard yes, but not poised. More like, well just thinking.
I read somewhere a long time ago that some say the word happiness comes from the verb to happen. Or put another way, happiness is living life so that we are in touch with what’s happening, when it’s happening.
Have you ever noticed that the happiest, most content people are often those who simply get on with whatever life puts before them? Whether it looks to be good or bad?
It seems to me that the pursuit of happiness has become so much more than a lofty turn of phrase; its become an almost obligatory activity to fill ones life with. All this despite those many dozens of articles etc advising against it. (Just as an aside: This says to me that we are swamped by so much information that we hardly have time, energy, or mental space to turn most of that information into knowledge we can use)
So. How do we get past this obligation? How do we get back in touch with what’s happening right now? How do we just get happy from what happens? And, then, how do we get to live a life that means something?
Let me say that I can’t give you the answers: what is meaningful to me might not be for you and vice versa. But the process is the same for us all. And it is this: ask the questions (the ones above).
It’s that simple. It is enough to ask the questions. We don’t have to worry about the answers. The answers will come when the time’s right; its just that sometimes we don’t always notice their arrival. They sort of sneak up on us!
Whatever answers we come up with, we need to remember that living life fully means living each moment, each thing that happens, as it happens. It means not being too concerned about what will happen next week or in five minutes time.
This doesn’t mean we don’t make plans or think about the consequences of our actions. In fact just the opposite is true: it is by living fully in the moment that we best prepare for the future precisely because the moment is not something that comes and is gone: it’s a flowing thing. The moment is continuous always. No past present future (well except when you have to write stuff, then there’s grammar) Only now.
So, thinking about all this I decided: don’t worry. If no idea for a blog post works, then that’s just what’s happening. Be happy, be content with that, and just move with the ever-flowing moment.
And I’m going to try to remember that everything I do, no matter how mundane it seems, has its own meaning. There’s no rush to get onto some mythical ‘next thing’. Meanwhile, blog post ideas come when they’re ready, not because I’m chasing them.
Well here we are at Part 3 of the mini series in which we’re looking at whether or not my ‘philosophy of life’ might be well described by living according to the vows used by many contemporary nuns and monks and that are a reinterpretation or evolution of the traditional vows.
As I’ve mentioned, I haven’t taken these vows, but when I learned about them (Simplicity, Purity, Accountability, and for some, Presence.) I thought I’d look at how well I live up to the life they dictate.
So, welcome. And if you haven’t yet seen the first two parts, please feel free to have a look at them. Part 1 is a sort of introduction and overview, while in Part 2 I asked whether or not I actually do manage to live a simple life.
Well, do I? To be honest, it was a nice challenge looking at that question; I mean it got me thinking about the reality of my life (like the rest of these posts will as well, obviously) and I would say yes, I think I do live a quite simple life, especially in the context of the dominant culture we live in, and society’s demands and pressures.
Anyway, time to get on with the next part of our little exploration.
Purity
Purity. It’s one of those words isn’t it? I mean, probably all of us think we know what it means, but it’s not a word we use on a day-to-basis is it? It’s a word we’d use rarely if ever to describe our behaviour or approach to life. So, what words do I use then?
Which reminds me: purity gets a bit of a bad rap I think. It’s often used to describe standards imposed by some group, or authority, a moral code thrust upon us, from someone or something outside of ourselves.
For me, Purity is really about my approach to life, to myself and other living beings, to the world, to everything actually.
So, with your permission I will try for the rest of this post to use words and ideas that actually mean something to me in my daily life and in the way I try to live.
Clean is a word that comes to mind. It sounds strange (and redundent) to say, but I try to live a clean life. Obviously I bathe regularly, wear clean cloths and try to not spill stuff too often. But, you might not know this, but clumsy is my middle name, so, yes spilling stuff is a curse I live with! (I just had an orange and I think more juice ended up on my shirt than in my mouth).
Now, actually that’s a good start: I mean to say, we’re all fallible beings; we all have things we can’t quite get right all the time: Pu … oops … the P word is a concept to hold on to in an aspirational way; it’s not a hard and fast set of rules or standards where I’m in a I am either, or I am not, scenario. Actually it’s very much to do with the present, but that literally is a story for another day isn’t it?
How else do I try to live clean? Thinking. I try, consciously, and all the time, to practise clean or we can say right thinking. Right thoughts about others, whether I like what they do or not. Right attitudes to others too are important aspirations for me as well.
To be truthful I’m not yet at the stage where I could say that having right attitudes to others has freed me to neither like or dislike people, situations, or whatever. Perhaps now and again, but certainly not all the time. Like everyone else I’m attached to my likes and dislikes, to my prejudices, and biases. As I said, it’s aspirational, something to work on continually.
Part of that right attitude, as well as living clean, is having a compassionate approach to other living beings. Meaning that with my actions, thoughts or behaviour I try to do as little harm as possible. Actually, it’s more than that: compassion for me must be an active thing, not just a vague feeling or intention informing my life.
In other words, I have designed my life (diet, clothing, transport, thinking, and the rest) so that I cause no more death or harm to any living thing than I can possibly manage.
Of course I realise we human beings are simply one more species among the many millions sharing this planet. Nothing any of us do in any sphere of life (our actions in the world, our thinking) can be accomplished without an impact on our fellow dwellers on Earth. All we can do is what we can do.
Aspiration. That’s what it boils down to for me. Did I mention it (you know … P) isn’t a you are or you are not kind of thing? Like the other P word, presence, it has at its main characteristic an ongoingness; there is no time when we can say I am P … .
Nor will there ever be a time when we can say in a way that that’s actually truth, ‘I give up, It’s too hard. I’m never going to be P… .
Which leads very nicely to Accountability, the next of our words to live by. But let’s get into that next time! Thank you sharing this time with me.
One morning recently I opened my Journal, ready to write: ‘I woke up late today.’ But I didn’t (well I did get up late) I stopped as the thought went through my mind: what does late actually mean.
Well, I know what late means as I suppose we all do, but I Iooked it up anyway. And, of course it means exactly what we think it means: ‘after the expected, proper, or usual time.’
Expected, usual, or proper. Three words guaranteed to get me thinking. After all, who is it exactly that prescribes (or proscribes) what is the expected, usual or proper time or what is not?
Then the lyrics of a song called A Blessing in Disguiseby singer-songwriter Graham Connors came to me. One particular blessing he lists in the song is a watch that runs backwards. The watch owner’s friends all offer to have it fixed, but he says no thank you; it suits me just fine:
It reminds me that time is a state of mind a restriction we place on our lives.
Yes, exactly. I’m sure we all sometimes see time as a restriction. How many of us are tired of (not to mention exhausted by) appointments, schedules, alarms waking us up, too many hours at ‘waste of time’ jobs, too many hours when we’re not at that job, the endless hours spent hypnotized by one screen or another?
In other words, we live bound by restrictions we place (or allow others to place) on ourselves and then we wonder why we’re unhappy, frustrated, exhausted, angry, sad and in need of a break; in need of more time.
Well, time, as the song says, is a state of mind. It’s how we look at time; that’s the point. Forget the restrictions. No, I don’t mean quit your job (though I never suggest to anyone they not quit their job), ignore family or other ‘obligations’ (same disclaimer). What I am suggesting is that you find ways to look at time as the ongoing present, a state of mind to be in, to be in presence. Not future. Not past. And never ever static.
One can never be late. One can only ever be here and now, in that previously mentioned ongoing present. You are the one to decide what is ‘proper’ for you; it’s up to you to create your own unique ‘usual’
And as for ‘expectations’: well, if you have to have them (and expectations are really only imaginings about events, situations, and circumstances that aren’t real yet and may never be), at least make them your own. Peace
Notes from the Hermit's Cave 